Near the time I turned 2 yrs old. And then the closures continued.
"It feels like success—but leaves you narratively hungry, because the version of you who made it... wasn’t all of you." Getting married at 25. And only realizing the greatest extent of the hunger well after he left, 25 yrs later...
"The experience of shrinking to fit—of giving away my name, my credit, my identity—left a loop open. And something inside me quietly decided: I won’t do that again unless I get to be whole doing it." Family - a loop that started in my late 30's - and still continues. It literally hurts to think of fitting into that tiny part they call "me", that tiny part they shut down, disdain, shame, annul. That was never me, but they hold to it tightly...
"Some of us soften the truth to be more palatable. Others wear seamless masks that conceal entire selves. Some stall in emotional ambivalence. Some vanish at the very edge of change, unsure who they’ll be if they truly arrive. And some of us subjugate ourselves entirely—yielding power, space, or authorship to protect a dynamic, preserve a relationship, or survive within a system." Spontaneously feeling born at "me" on my 65th birthday, for the first time. I've been struggling to be fully me out loud ever since. Little steps after little steps. Continuing to move into freedom.
Near the time I turned 2 yrs old. And then the closures continued.
"It feels like success—but leaves you narratively hungry, because the version of you who made it... wasn’t all of you." Getting married at 25. And only realizing the greatest extent of the hunger well after he left, 25 yrs later...
"The experience of shrinking to fit—of giving away my name, my credit, my identity—left a loop open. And something inside me quietly decided: I won’t do that again unless I get to be whole doing it." Family - a loop that started in my late 30's - and still continues. It literally hurts to think of fitting into that tiny part they call "me", that tiny part they shut down, disdain, shame, annul. That was never me, but they hold to it tightly...
"Some of us soften the truth to be more palatable. Others wear seamless masks that conceal entire selves. Some stall in emotional ambivalence. Some vanish at the very edge of change, unsure who they’ll be if they truly arrive. And some of us subjugate ourselves entirely—yielding power, space, or authorship to protect a dynamic, preserve a relationship, or survive within a system." Spontaneously feeling born at "me" on my 65th birthday, for the first time. I've been struggling to be fully me out loud ever since. Little steps after little steps. Continuing to move into freedom.
I feel the pain of being squished into that box… that’s not even good for battery hens, let alone people